


If This Is Love

by crystalblinks (orphan_account)



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Break Up, M/M, POV Tony Stark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-27
Updated: 2016-10-27
Packaged: 2018-08-27 07:26:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8392549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/crystalblinks
Summary: I’d become accustomed to his behavior, the magnificent ways in which he critiqued me, my every word, action and look. I’d become numb to him, numb to his disapproval.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Title from If This Is Love by Xavier Omar

_Why are we here? Why are we wasting all of this time now? Let me be clear baby, you won't be stressing me in my prime now._

“Another dinner Tony?” Steve’s voice drifted across the room, his malcontent rasp clashing with the soft R&B playing throughout our newly acquired penthouse apartment. His tone was one I’d become accustomed to, it was the same tone he used almost a decade ago when I was still trying to get my inventions out there. “Fast food again Tony?” The same inflection, the same disgusted and dissatisfied look.

“Babe, you used to love these things, being shown off, flashing smiles and charming all those rich bastards.”

“It’s exhausting. I just want to stay home and watch netflix or something.” I glanced at his weary look, accompanied by his unbuttoned shirt and mismatched socks.

“I have to go, I'm being honored but if you really don't want to go, you can stay here, I'll slip out early and maybe we can have a late dinner.”

“You’re always being honored Tony.” Steve mumbled under his breath. “Just go, schmooze, I'll be in bed when you come back.”

 

_You need to speak to me better, talk to me like I'm worth a damn. You could be treating me better. And I could be doing well on my on now, now, now._

  
“This is fucking bullshit Tony! You're never here anymore!” I tossed t-shirts in my bag, trying to ignore the red faced man screaming at me as I packed.

“Oh yeah, blame a guy for working, making enough money to pay for this apartment and your art classes and everything else that you could ever want.”

“So now this is my fault? You leave for weeks at a time and it's my fault?” This was an argument we had often, one that always ended with one of us leaving to the airport and the other to the nearest bar. I had been leaving more often, accepting more opportunities to speak across the country, not because I liked fighting about the same thing with Steve, but because we’d fight no matter what and at least I’d get a few days of peace.

“I’m working! I have a fucking conference in Virginia that's been scheduled all year, you knew as soon as I knew, but now you want to complain?”

“You’re just a jackass Tony, a selfish jackass, just like your father!” Steve stormed out the house, in a storm of muttered expletives.

 

_You say baby "Hold me tight, don't let go,ease my mind, keep me close, hold me tight" You're so subjective. This don't reflect what you give me. You're so subjective. If this is love, I don't want it, I don't need it, I could live without it._

Bruce was brilliant. The man’s got a mind that could rival my own, and an unprecedented personality. He was just so nice, and he didn’t even want anything from me. It was refreshing, a good change from all the narcissistic and selfish assholes I deal with on a daily, a good change from all the narcissistic and selfish asshole that I live with and see on a daily.

I had just invited Bruce up to my room to discuss what he was doing with gamma radiation when my phone beeped, a beep I had programed for whenever Steve texted me. I turned my phone off and Bruce just rose his eyebrow, but said nothing else as the elevator ascended. “So, tell me all about your work Dr.Banner.”

We spoke for hours about everything and nothing, and I’d come to one conclusion as he left my room with a shy smile and an awkward wave, Bruce was brilliant. He was brilliant when I turned on my phone to two texts and a missed call from Steve. Dr. Robert Bruce Banner was still brilliant when I listened to Steve’s message.

“Hey, uh Tony I just...I miss your arms around me, your presence, I miss us. I miss us together. Come back from your conference early I’m sure they’ll understand. Come back home. Do it for me.”

Bruce was still brilliant, the entire conference, all seven days of science and bliss and east coast sunshine. Bruce was still extraordinarily brilliant, brilliant enough to make me stay, brilliant enough to bring him back with me, even though Steve didn’t see it that way.

  
  
_Oh I thought that I was okay. Ain't I treat you all the best ways? Ain't I check my tone when we don't agree? And I watch my words like a hawk? Ain't I make it right when I'm wrong? You've got all these expectations but they don't apply to you. I don't want that for myself._

_  
_ “Why is he still here?” Steve picked at his breakfast, his eyes harsh and glazed over in the way they’d been since I came back from Virginia, in the same way they’d been for the past two years if I was being honest with myself.

“Because he needs a place to stay while we work.”

“It’s been a month. He needs to leave Tony.”

“I never objected when Sam stayed here while his apartment was being fumigated, and he was here all summer.”

“It’s not the same Tony. We know Sam, do we even know who Bruce is?”

“I know him quite well and if you talked to him you would figure out that he’s a really nice guy.” Steve narrowed his eyes and went back to picking at his eggs, like they weren’t the same ones I made every morning, like they were filled with some sort of poison.

Bruce entered the room, a shy smile on his face and a sleepy look in his eyes. “Hey Tony, good morning Steve.” He just growled at Bruce and stood up from his place pushing past us and making his way to our bedroom, slamming the door shut.

“I don’t think Steve really likes me all that much.” Bruce said running his fingers through his curls, glancing between me and the closed bedroom door.

I took a long drink from my mug and sighed. “It’s alright, he doesn’t like me either.”

  
  
_You've got all these expectations but they don't apply to you. I don't want that for myself. If this is love, I don't want it. I don't need it. I could live without it._

_  
_ Steve was draped over the couch, rum in hand yelling about whatever i’d done wrong now, his lips speaking words I’d numbed myself to, for too long. “Get out. Just get the fuck out please for heaven's sake, get out!”

Steve looked affronted, his face a picturesque image of shock. “After all we’ve been through Tony? I love you.”

“Yeah, but I can’t love you anymore...I need to be able to clear my find and focus on things, focus on people that are good for me.”

“Good for you? I’ve been good to you for eleven years!”

“It’s...we’re not good anymore Steve. So please, just spare me the shit and get the fuck out.” Steve left once again in a flurry of expletives with his phone and a bag of clothes, and Bruce, exceptionally brilliant Bruce was right there by my side, holding me when the numbness passed and all that was left was pain.

  



End file.
